Please Don't Go
by coli66
Summary: Beck is torn from the sudden death of Jade. Will he be able to make it through this horrible heartbreak? Or will he crack under the everyday pressures, along with trying to forget the first girl who ever stole his heart. T for tough subjects.
1. Chapter 1

**Please Don't Go**

**Chapter One**

**She Can't Be Gone**

**Hello everyone. I was kinda in a bad mood when I wrote this, so this is probably gonna be REALLY depressing. Its gonna get happier as it progresses. I probably won't update as often as some of my other stories, but I will eventually. Enjoy!**

**Beck's POV**

"Seriously! 'Mango's and Armadillo's' is the best smoothie place in town! Its where Jade and I first met!" I tell my friend Tori. We're sitting in Creative Writing, CW, as the kids at Hollywood Arts call it. Its always been one of my favorite classes. There's a substitute today, a lazy one for a matter a fact. We're supposed to be writing a song on "Heartbreaks", but instead I'm talking with Tori. Songwriting doesn't really come easily to me. The lines always come out too corny, and somewhat laughable. I'm not even sure how we got on the subject of smoothies.

"Jade set foot in a place with the word, 'armadillo' in it? You've got to be kidding me." She says. We've only known each other, roughly for about six months, since she transferred here. Even though its been a short time since we met, she's my best friend. I can talk to her about anything. I go to her for advice all the time, and she comes to me when she needs more confidence whenever she's performing.

"Yeah! Just ask her!" I tell my goofball of a friend. I poke her forehead playfully with the eraser part of my pencil. She sticks her tongue out at me, and I try to go back to my notepad, focusing hard on the next line. I haven't even finished the first verse yet, when the school's intercom comes on.

"Beck Oliver, please report to the office." I hear a scratchy old lady voice say. I feel the eyes of the class piercing the back of my neck.

"What did you do?" Tori asks.

"I don't know." I say, as I pick up my bag, and walk out the door. The walk to the school's office is a long one. Somethings...something's up. I can't place my finger on it, but something is wrong. I try to push the thought out of my head, and get some more optimistic thoughts, but its impossible. Did they find out I was in the food fight last month? No, they have no proof of that...am I failing any classes? Nope, its a new marking period, clean slate so thats impossible.

I walk into the office and I see Jade's dad standing with her mom. They notice me. Jade and I have been dating for a long, long time. Both of our family's have been tight since forever. I'm just thankful they like me. I like them; they're nice people.

"Hello son." Mr. West says. Mrs. West turns around to me, and I gulp. Her eyes are blood red, like she'd been crying. The middle-aged woman runs over to me and gives me a hug. I try to comfort her, sending a confused to look to Mr. West. He comes over to me, and puts his hand on my shoulder. I squint to look in his tiny eyes, and they also look red. Cold shivers run up and down my spine. I hear Mrs. West sobbing into my shoulder. I bite my lip as Mr. West begins to speak.

"Jade...was driving to school this morning...there was an accident...she's gone..." He turns around, still in shock at the news.

Jade...is gone?

No...It can't be...

I hold Mrs. West tighter, as I let a few tears of shock go down my cheeks. I stare at a spot on the plain white wall. White is such a boring color...Jade hated it...She liked black. I can hear her call pink ugly and stupid. Everything is going blank...

_Jade...wherever you are...please don't go...I need you...with me..._

The rest of the week is a blur. Almost everyone in school goes to the funeral. Even the kids who try to act all cool and bad all the time. I stayed with Andre and the West's most of the time. The church's lights are dimmed low, and everyone is quiet. I feel the weight of the room on my shoulders. Tori and Kat try to comfort Mrs. West, who is still in a state of shock. I guess I am kind of too, I guess. Can't I help but beg for Jade to be here with me? Not here, at the funeral. Somewhere fun...somewhere she always wanted to go. The beach. She loves the beach. She _loved_ the beach.

Oh god, help me.

I can't take it anymore. I stand up and walk out of the room, choking back the tears. I feel the eyes of everyone, but no ones judging me. I wouldn't care if they did. I run to the doors, heading outside for some air. On the way out, I take one more look at the black casket. It throws a knife to chest, knowing she's in there. Why couldn't I drive her to school that day? Why didn't I offer her a ride? Why?

I run outside as fast as I can. Its a grey cloud kind of day, as if it could rain any second. The graveyard is right outside the back door of the church. They have a grey tent where they're gonna do the next part of the ceremony. I don't think I'll be able to handle it. Watching them burry her. I can't hold it in anymore, and I let the tears out. I sob until there's no more feelings. I've never cried like this before. I clutch at my side, which is burning like-

I don't know how long I'm out here, but long enough for the burial ceremony to begin. I watch from a distance. I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey. You gonna be okay?" Tori asks. I try to smile, but I can tell it comes out crooked.

"Yeah," I squeak. I suddenly remember this is my best friend, and I have no reason to hide the feelings I have right now. "No!" I say, sobbing all over again, pulling her in a hug. I hold her with all my might, remembering how I used to hold Jade.

Just...too many memories...

Why'd she have to go?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Trying My Best**

**I own nothing! No song lyrics or anything at all! Enjoy! :)**

Its been about two weeks since the funeral, and it feels as though everything is the same, yet everything is different. I remember how Jade would call me every morning, just to see if anything exciting was happening. Or if I needed a ride to school or something. Sometimes I wish I was in the car the day of her death. That way, we could have died together, and be together. On the other hand, where everything feels the same, is the scenery around school. All the bright colors and cheerfulness. People seem to already be forgetting the tragedy. Its odd, because sometimes I'll forget everything, and smile at my friends goofiness. Then, I'll catch myself about to ask them if they've seen Jade. Thats when I have to leave, to make sure they don't seem me break down. About a day after the funeral, the janitor cleaned out her locker, and gave all her stuff to her mom. Mrs. West hasn't been handling this well at all. We read a book in english class once, and one of the lines was, 'A parent should never have to bury their child'. Its true. Its painfully true. I lean my head on my locker, blocking out the world. I take deep breaths, in and out. Luckily, I'm the only one in the hall.

"Dude, you okay?" My friend Matt asks me. Okay, maybe I'm not the only one in the hall. Sue me. Matt and I have known each other forever, but never really hung out a lot. I still consider the dude my friend...but he always seemed to stuck me the wrong way. I don't know if it was his spiky red hair, or the chocker he's been wearing since middle school. He's one of the kids who's only in Hollywood Arts because his family donates costumes for musicals and stuff.

"I will be," I say, which is half true. I run my hand through my hair, breathing again.

"You still grieving about Jade? Me too. She was so fine," He says, getting an evil, dirty looking smile across his face. I feel my blood boil. I throw my books down, and spin him against the lockers. I feel his shirt collar tight in my fist. There's a little voice in the back my head, telling me what I'm doing is wrong. I usually listen to that voice, but not today. Not here, not now.

"Care to repeat that comment?" I ask, biting my teeth together. I watch the fear melt right out of his eyes.

"Dude, I'm sorry! Let's be cool about this!" He says, and realize him from my grip.

"No, I'm sorry. I lost my temper. Won't happen again," I say, looking away from him. I hear him sigh, and walk away. Not able to move my feet, I sit on the floor of the hallway. I close my eyes, and lightly hit my head against the decorated lockers.

_"Hey, idiot!" Jade calls out to me from across the gym. I know she's calling for me, because she's in one of _**those **_moods._

_"What!" I yell back, loud enough to hear over the music. I feel the eyes of most everyone in the room. Some slow country song is playing, about some guy drinking his money away because his wife left him. I watch Jade walk, no, stride over in her green dress like she owns the place._

_"Guess what?" She says, in a sassy attitude._

_"What?" I ask, wondering where she's going with this._

_"Hey idiot, I love you," She says, as she grabs my cheeks and pulls me in for a kiss. It feels like fireworks. Millions of different colored fireworks. Like the grand finale on the forth of July. That moment at the end, where you know its ending, but you would do anything in your power to stop it from ending. I feel her pull away. We look into each others eyes, thankful that its the two of us who share this memory._

"Son, wake up. Son? Son!" I hear some janitor yell, hitting me with the end of his broom. I gather up my stuff, feeling the eyes of every student in the hallway. Everyones been watching me lately. As if, waiting to see if I break down. I stand up, trying to gather up all the pride I have left. I walk down the hall, not knowing where to go from here. I go to the auditorium, where I always do my best thinking. I throw my backpack to an empty chair, and jump up on to the stage. I feel all the lights beating down on me. I turn my head to see a piano, which is staring right back at me. I walk over, and play the beginning to Avril Lavigne's "Slipped Away". I don't mean to play it, it just comes out of fingers and onto the keys. I sing the intro, and the first chorus. I learned this song in my modern music class last semester. I loved the way it sounded, but I never really could relate to it emotionally. Now, its the definition of my life.

"Now your gone, now your gone. There you go, there you go" I belt out.

"Somewhere I can't bring you back," I hear a voice from the other side of stage. I look to see Tori, standing in the doorway. I watch her walk over to where I'm sitting at the piano. She sits down next to me.

"I know Jade and I could have been great friends," Tori says, staring at the keys.

"I do too. She always liked you. You know, once she got to know you. Not at first. She gated you when you first came here," I say. She gives a small smile.

"I think everyone knew that," She chuckles. I can feel her eyes on me. I keep looking ahead. "You don't have to be strong all the time, Beck," She whispers softly.

And with that, I break down. I cry on her shoulder. I try to speak, but all of my words come out unidentifiable.

I'm trying my best to be the brave one. To be the rock everybody relies on. I've always been the guy who looks on the bright side, the guy who always sees a brighter day in the future. I don't see a better day this time. I don't see a reason on why Jade had to leave. Why did she have to leave so soon? We both had so many plans. Plans that weren't supposed to fizzle out into nothing.

I guess I can say goodbye to those plans.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Learning to Breathe Again

"Alright class, I want you all to write a five paragraph essay on how important it is to bring emotion when writing songs. This essay will be a great help to you when we begin our song meriting unit. The essay is due Monday. Have a great weekend!"

Mrs. Doorsen's words ring in my ears as I sit on my bed, staring at the blank white screen on my laptop. It only reads the title, and my name. I have to turn this blank screen into something worth reading. I look over to my desk and see the picture of Jade and I, at homecoming. that was the last school dance we went to together. I suddenly understand what Mrs. Doorsen was talking about when she gave the class this big lecture on how today's music lack emotion. She has a point in some ways. I remember when I was twelve, and I really started getting into music. I remember how angry I was, when I found out that my favorite song, which I thought was about the greatness of first loves, was written about a sandwich. I can't even remember the artist, but I remember getting so angry, I wrote an email to the poor guy, venting my feelings. He never responded to the email. I suddenly feel my fingers slam on the keys.

**Emotion. One word, many different meanings. Some people think emotions, they think of the basics. Happy, sad, mad. That whole ordeal. When you get older and wiser, you think of how emotions affect other people. You think of love, pain, discomfort. I think that might be the problem with songs today. Some of them, just clearly lack emotion. A song has to have meaningful lyrics, to make it big in this world. Well known artist wouldn't write songs about the color yellow, or about their favorite blanket, and expect a hit. Sometimes, when I'm listening to music, I stop myself and try to figure out the hidden meanings. And do those meanings, actually mean something?**

I rest my hands, not knowing how to start the next paragraph. I get the assignment, it's boring the crap out of me. The first paragraph is always easiest, but the middle is always more difficult. I rest my head on my pillow, and close my eyes...I'll get back to writing in a minute...

_"Beck, what's your biggest dream?" Jade asks, as we sit in the back of my car. I feel her pull me closer, as if I'm going to drift away. I hope she knows that I'm not going anywhere. Not without her. _

_"I'm not sure. What's yours?" I ask. I have a lot of dreams. To become a well known actor, to go to acting school, that whole package._

_"Too difficult to decide. I like the way things are going. Right here, right now." she says, as her eyes gaze at the stars. I watch her. I wish she didn't wear as much makeup as she does. She better know she looks better without it. She says it 'completes her look.' I've never understood the female mind. Even the one I've known my whole life._

I jolt awake, the memory haunting me like a ghost. I take my water bottle from my nightstand, hoping to get distracted. I hear the pouring down rain against my window. Even with all these distractions, I keep seeing her face. I thought I was getting better. I thought I was starting to move on.

Kiss that goodbye.

I feel my phone beep in my pocket. I let it go, and not answer. I'm no tin the mood to talk to anyone right now. Unless its Tori. She seems to really understand. She understands what it's like to loose someone, and to never get to hold them in your arms again. I manage to compose myself during school, but the second I'm in private, I let myself break down. Sometimes breaking down means looking at old pictures, and sometimes it means crying muffled into the pillow. I really need to stop that. It's been a month, and I think I need to let go. Maybe that's what I need...I think I need closure. Not a funeral, but something more personal...

I have an idea.

I tear out my notepad, and a pen, and begin writing a letter to Jade.


End file.
